No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
