that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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