who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
