I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
