I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
