Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
