This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
