the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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