Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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