just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
