I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He passed out mid-signature
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
