Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
