I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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