maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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