I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
