just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
