So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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