I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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