all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
