Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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