people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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