i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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