im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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