an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
