she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
