i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
