I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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