He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
