I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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