I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
