I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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