sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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