You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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