so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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