if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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