Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
