Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
