i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
