i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
