Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
