That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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