i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
