my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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