I puked a lego.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
