im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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