help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
