You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
