We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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