I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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