i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
