I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you had me at cake vodka
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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