If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
