You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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