He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
