just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
